Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Randomize
