i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Randomize
