And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
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