3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
Say something about gay babies.
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
the gays at disneyland are vicious
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
