what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
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