i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
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