Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
Randomize
