hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
Randomize
