How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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