is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
Even the bartender felt bad for me
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
