um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
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