im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
Just invented taco cereal.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
