1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
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