you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
