i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
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