Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize
