oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
Randomize
