After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
accomplished twins. life is a go
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
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