i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
Randomize
