I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
Randomize
