I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
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