The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
How would you go about getting a hold of the country star that you slept with and are now potentially pregnant with their baby...?
myspace Music?
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
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