So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
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