Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
After tacos, we're chasing women.
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
Randomize
