we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
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