Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
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