My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
Randomize
