There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
Randomize
