So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
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