i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
