I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
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