You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
