you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
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