No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
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