I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
