someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
Randomize
