I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
Randomize
