I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
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