you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
Randomize