i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
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