Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
My vagina just recognized that song.
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
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