my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
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