Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
Randomize
