so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize
