but the lizard people decide everything anyway
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
Randomize
