she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
Randomize
