I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
