you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
I just had sex on a roof
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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