I'm lost and stupid without you.
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
Randomize
