my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
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