Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
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