Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
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