It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
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