My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
Randomize
