I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
