oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
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