are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
Randomize
