i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
We smell like vodka and hangover
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
