he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
Randomize
