Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
they need to just BURY HIM!
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
Randomize
