I'm really into asian looking animals
I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
I believe in your delicious
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
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