New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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