It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
Randomize
