I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
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