My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
Randomize
