we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
you inspire me to be a worse person
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
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