If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
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