trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
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