just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
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