I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Randomize
